Yes, I know, that’s a really big call.
I also know that its true.
Lets start at the beginning. A little over five years ago I gave birth to the second of my three children. It was a very emotional birth, we had tried for over four years to conceive him, and the birth was a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section). It was physically and emotionally exhausting, and we were very happy.
On my first night home from hospital, I was beyond tired. I remember being so exhausted, that when I went to sleep, I fell asleep almost instantly. Some time that night, I awoke with a start. Something had woken me from my sleep. I thought I had heard someone speak to me, and woke up from a VERY deep sleep feeling scared that there was someone in my bedroom. I started to panic, and checked on my baby son, who was sleeping soundly. I turned on the lights, checked the bedroom, checked the rest of the house, and woke my husband. When I woke, along with the voices, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, and couldn’t wake myself fully. It scared me so much, that I asked my husband to ring the hospital to ask if there was something wrong with me.
Things like this began to happen more and more often. Things that I couldn’t explain, that were scaring me. I was having some real physical symptoms, which I didn’t understand (heart palpitations, breathlessness, dizziness, fatigue, severe insomnia, nightmares, and more). I also remember things like hearing voices while I was sleeping, feeling someone (or something) pat my back as I rocked my crying baby to sleep, and feeling strange emotions and feelings that were overwhelming, for no reason. Being out in public became overwhelming for me. I wasn’t sleeping, I was losing my appetite, and losing weight rapidly. I went and saw my doctor, and was diagnosed with severe post natal anxiety. My doctor explained to me that I was having panic attacks, and linked most of my symptoms to the anxiety. I began a course of anti-anxiety medication, which I stayed on for a period of 12 months.
When I was at my worst, which was a period of about one month before the medication fully began to work, I was so afraid constantly that I couldn’t be left alone. I was unable to fully fally asleep, and even though I was beyond exhausted, I would only doze lightly, and wake at the slightest sound (either real, or what I thought was in my head).
The medication was a life saver for me. My fearful thoughts and feelings began to slowly recede. I saw a psychologist regularly, a chiropractor to help reset my adrenals (which were constantly in “flight of fight” mode), and I also got help from my Kinesiologist and homeopath. My attitude was, whatever it took to be well, I would try it.
After 12 months, I felt ready, with my doctors approval, to wean off the anxiety medication. What I found after this, was that anxiety was still a part of my life. Depending on what was happening around me, I would still have anxious moments, to varying degrees, sometimes with big reactions. I was determined to find a way to heal from this, so kept exploring my experiences to find out what I could do to make the panic attacks, and waves of anxiety go away FOR EVER. Over the next twelve months I read books, began practicing mindfulness, began meditating, and began exploring some of the elements to my anxiety experience that I couldn’t explain.
Here is what I discovered. I am, what is commonly called an EMPATH. I can feel other peoples feelings. This is also know as being clairsentient (clear-feeling). I am also clairvoyant (clear-seeing), claircognisent (clear knowing), and clairaudient (clear hearing) in varying degrees, but my strongest “clair” is my empathy, my ability to feel peoples emotions, and to feel energy around me.
Lots of things began to make sense. It explained why I found it so difficult to be in large crowds sometimes (I could literally FEEL everyone around me, and it was incredibly overwhelming and disconcerting, especially as I had no idea what was happening at the time. Although I understand and can manage my own energy now, I still prefer to shop online.
I also began to explore my visions, my psychic experiences. The more I learned, the less afraid I felt, and the more I realised that there was indeed nothing to be afraid of. I developed a relationship with Archangel Michael, met my own guardian angels, and realised that I am always safe, loved, supported and held.
What shifted, was my own understanding of myself. The things that I had been experiencing that were initially scary, now became wonderful gateways to love, support, guidance and insight. My visions are now my strongest guidepost. My messages from my angels remind me that I am on track, they give me the loving whispers that my human mind sometimes forgets to hear.
And so, 6 years on, I live a life that is anxiety free. Life is not always perfect, I am human and have my own challenges just like everyone, but I now I don’t feel alone. And if I feel myself begin to worry, or feel nervous, I know that I have tools that I can use to bring myself back in tune with my heart, my center, my inner peace.